The End.

An exciting new project has encouraged me to re-visit this web site and write a few final posts (more on this if/when the project is solidified).  To clarify, I did end Unstills early for personal reasons.  At the end of July I was so incredibly repulsed and depressed by the project that I had to stop or sink deeper into both of those feelings.  In retrospect, trudging through the last two weeks and chronicling those emotions would have been captivating and as my father would say, character building.  But at the time not wanting to leave my house or go to work was detrimental to paying my bills.  I’m sure this was also correlated to my relationship with C ending.

Since then my best friend has been encouraging me to finalize the project.  I almost always listen to her advice, but for the aforementioned reasons, I was having difficulty re-visiting the project.  (Amanda, if you read this, I’m sorry that your nudging and my own personal motivation wasn’t enough).  It’s taken validation from a stranger to propel finalization (again, more on this later if and when awesome things happen).  Up until now I hadn’t felt like this project was a success.  Success to me would have been waking up everyday, putting on my Cindy Sherman attire, attending many events and taking lots of pictures.  I was going to be happy and brave, but instead regularly felt  embarrassed, ashamed, apologetic, and guilty. Success did not include ending two weeks early.  Perhaps someday I will attempt this project again and be all the things I intended to be.  Until then I’m going to cross my fingers and wait to see if the really good thing happens.

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